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Rihanna’s granny is right: you should pick a man who loves you more than you love him

Grans are renowned for giving out lessons on life and love – even if you’re a famous pop star. Rihanna’s gran told her to only go for men who love her more than she loves them. She may have a point there, says Periwinkle Jones.

By Periwinkle Jones 12/09/2012 12:28

Rex Features

 

 

While Rihanna is possibly the last person you’d go to for relationship advice – right behind Hugh Hefner, Jennifer Aniston and J-Lo, something she said this week rang true.

 

According to the Bajan singer’s gran, the key to a lasting relationship is picking a man that loves you a little bit more than you love them.

 

By picking a man that loves you more than you love him, he’ll try harder, making the relationship more equal

 

The rational behind granny’s advice was that women are hampered by their nurturing instincts: they tend to give in to too many demands in order to make people happy. By picking a man that loves you more than you love him, he’ll try harder, making the relationship more equal.

 

As controversial as this sounds, Ma Fenty has a point. And science backs it up: studies published in the Journal of Family Psychology found the same thing.

 

"The husband is getting something more than maybe he can expect to get," said researcher James McNulty of the University of Tennessee. "He's getting something better than he's providing at that level. So he's going to work hard to maintain that relationship."

 

A husband who knows he’s on the backfoot to start with will work harder to maintain his relationship because he knows his partner is less invested

 

A husband who knows he’s on the backfoot to start with will work harder to maintain his relationship because he knows his partner is less invested. He’ll pay her more attention, be more likely to assure her of his affections and will ensure that she feels appreciated.

 

In an ideal world the perfect husband would do this anyway, but it’s all too easy to get complacent, especially in a longterm relationship once you’ve seen each other in greying undies and velour.

 

This notion that a man should love a woman more is nothing new. The cliché was played out in an episode of Sex And The City where an Amazonian redhead bride tells Carrie the exact same thing and my own grandmother gave me similar advice: “Relationships are never 50/50 – there’s always one partner who loves the other more, and they are the one who has all the power.”

 

In fact, the over-loving man is de rigeuer in most new relationships: you just don’t realise it. According to Massachusetts Institute of Technology studies, men fall in love a lot quicker than women, and it’s this burst of affection that drives the relationship on.

 

Being in a relationship with a man who loves you slightly more is a win/win situation

 

Being in a relationship with a man who loves you slightly more is a win/win situation. He feels lucky that he has such a catch and you feel appreciated and secure in his love. The odds on him straying are slashed considerably, and you know that you can count on his support when the going gets tough.

 

Everyone wants to feel loved, and if this tiny imbalance makes both parties happier, what’s the harm?

 

Do you agree with this? Should a man love a woman more than she loves him? Join the debate on Facebook and Twitter using the hashtag #socialvoices.

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