01/10/2012 10:49 | By Dr Pam Spurr, contributor, MSN Her

How to spot the nine signs of a non-committer

MSN's relationship expert Dr. Pam Spurr reveals what to watch out for


Yet again Russell Brand's been pictured chatting up women, this time in Los Angeles. It seems his womanising powers know no bounds.

But why do women fall for men like Russell?

Russell Brand (© Getty Images)

There are three main reasons - first, some women like a challenge and secretly hope they'll be the one that he gives up his womanising ways for.

Second, men like Russell have bags of charisma. They can turn on the charm and this can be irresistible.

Finally, savvy women recognise such men are only in it for the fun - and that's okay with them as they only want a fling too.

Here are nine signs of a non-committer - bear in mind there are some men who at first give off some of these signs but might end up changing along the way!

Sign No. 1: His invisible family and friends

Although you might hear stories about his family or friends, you won't meet them. There might be exceptions where you meet a couple of his drinking or clubbing pals. But don't expect any "double dates" where you two go out with his best friend and his best friend's girlfriend.

Non-committers like to keep their personal life separate from their conquests. He might say things like he'd "love you to meet his family" but it probably won't happen.

Sign No. 2: His bromances

He'll have sacrosanct dates with his mates that he'll never break. If you're going to see him for a while you'll have to get used to this state of affairs - he's not going to change for you. Non-committers often have very close male friendships that give them security. After all, they're not getting security from a truly intimate and committed relationship with a woman.

Russell Brand and Katy Perry (© Getty Images)

Sign No. 3: He knows - and loves - women

There's no question about it, non-committers love women - they just love women a little bit too much. You'll be surprised by his knowledge of fashion, celebrity gossip, and lots of other girly stuff. He knows all this because such men are good at getting into the female mind - especially with the little things like the latest gossip.
This knowledge can give you false hope that he's really "into" you, including all your girly stuff.

Sign No. 4: Your "relationship" remains shallow

You could see him for three dates - or for nine months - and it'd still feel the same. It might be exciting each time you meet up because of his charisma but it never seems to deepen.

This is a sure sign that he won't or can't commit because he's unable/unwilling to deepen things. Try your hardest to take it to the next level and he will manage to avoid it.

Sign No. 5: He goes on the missing list

You notice times he doesn't return your call, doesn't text back, and doesn't offer an explanation for this. That's because he doesn't see what you have as a proper relationship. He feels he doesn't have to tell you anything about what he does when you're apart.

He may or may not be seeing someone else too but you won't get to the bottom of what he does when he's not with you.

Sign No. 6: The damage has been done

Probably lurking in his past is emotional damage that keeps him from committing. For whatever reason in his mind, commitment flags up potential heartache. Most of us realise you have to take emotional risks to potentially have a deeper relationship but he simply won't take that kind of risk.

There may be times when you get snippets of something that happened in the past that'll give you a clue where his non-committing 'ways' come from. If you probe deeper he's more than likely to clam up. That said, some classic non-committers will mention things like being "burnt" in previous relationships. They're not prepared to have it happen again.

Sign No. 7: There's plenty of passion

Non-committers are often fantastic in bed. You're left thinking that you have such hot sexual chemistry it must mean you're getting close. But there's a world of difference between sexual intimacy and real emotional intimacy.
It's easy to be left feeling confused but you must take his love of great sex as nothing more than that.

Sign No. 8: Off-limits topics

You've been seeing him a while and often spend nights at each other's. You hint about leaving a toothbrush, hair products, etc., at his and you're met with a blank. Or, you try and get him to open up more about his feelings.

Then there are issues like Christmas looming and you start asking about his plans. You'll probably find he's adept at avoiding such topics.

If you keep pushing for answers to his off-limits topics you may find that's the end of the fling.

Sign No. 9: Mirror, mirror

Many non-committers are vain and you'll notice he spends more time in the bathroom then you do. There's obviously nothing wrong with men looking after themselves. But the fact he grooms himself to within an inch of his life is often one of the clearest signs he's really more into himself than you.

You'll probably also pick up on him saying things that sound vain like "women can't resist me".

Do these men ever change for the "right" woman?

If you've got plenty of time, like him enough, and he's obviously not playing around with other women there's nothing wrong with giving it time. If it starts feeling wrong, listen to your intuition telling you he's simply not going to commit.

Follow Dr Pam on Twitter

Dr Pam's NEW sex-and-love guide is available NOW

Also visit Dr Pam's website

8Comments
Report
Please help us to maintain a healthy and vibrant community by reporting any illegal or inappropriate behavior. If you believe a message violates theCode of Conductplease use this form to notify the moderators. They will investigate your report and take appropriate action. If necessary, they report all illegal activity to the proper authorities.
Categories
100 character limit
Are you sure you want to delete this comment?
10 reasons to make MSN UK your homepage (© Microsoft)

latest style news